The struggles of trying to become a healthier me

4 years ago

*Picture is of myself and Peter Pan at Disneyworld in August, this year. He is my favourite character ever, and that`s not just because my name is Wendy.*

I`m well aware that it is never easy, especially for somebody who considers food as one of her closest friends (pathetic, I know), to slowly maneuver from `junk food eating slob` to `I will not make eye contact with the glorious pile of junk food that my family members insist on buying. Walk away. Show them who`s boss.`

The problem I keep running into (hahaha I find that hilarious because I am trying so hard to run. Yeah, I find it punny even though it really isn`t. Alright, moving on.) is that I will tell myself that I will absolutely, for sure, no doubt about it, start dieting or `eating healthier` and exercising (which I do everyday for at least 30 minutes). Now, you do not understand how many times I have said this to myself within in the timespan of a week. The only thing that makes me feel somewhat better is that this is a common problem among most people who try to eat healthier. It`s nice to know that I`m not the only one that can`t say no (mayniacs, I have succumbed to the power of your lord, Conor Maynard, as you can see.) to the disgustingly greasy nature and artery clogging goodness of fried foods and overly sweet, dental nightmare powers of baked goods, oh yes. Despite all of that, what makes me hate myself the most is that I`ve made progress throughout the past 5 or 6 months of exercising and trying to eat healthier. Actually, I manage to lose a total of 8 pounds over almost half a year of working out everyday for about 30 minutes or more. The progress I was making was incredible; I was very much happy with myself and my self-esteem levels were rising, what a miracle! However, sometime between late June and mid-July, I could feel myself getting lazier, eating more useless junk food and taking steps backwards on my path to a healthier me. In fact, I gained about 2 pounds back! Now, when I saw that, I was frustrated, angry and filled with self-hatred for allowing myself to let loose so much that I ended up putting weight back on instead of losing it.
Alright, so you see that my problem here is mainly regarding my weight. I`ve always been very self-conscience of my weight, grabbing at my flab and claiming myself to be overweight, especially for my tiny 5`1 frame. Yes, I am a 5`1, Chinese teenager and I highly doubt that I will be growing anymore, considering that I`ve been this height for over a year or two now so I don`t for-see a growth spurt coming my way. That frustrates me so much because I still manage to keep putting on weight, and I`m not exactly growing vertically, which just makes me grow larger horizontally. I`ve always told myself that I would not allow myself to get so big, that I would always maintain a specific weight but that usually never happens. I usually put on a couple of pounds through the winter and then lose about 5-7 pounds in the summer but this year, I managed to put on about 10 pounds. How did that even happen. I vaguely remember downing a whole box of chocolate in record time... So, to say the least, I let myself go last winter but I am not letting that happen again. Never ever, ever. And I will stick that my word, I have to if I don`t want to be out of breath just from climbing the stairs.

So there, you have my word and I sincerely hope that some of you can hold me to my word and nag me about my progress to becoming a healthier me.

Oh almost forgot, I have a doctor`s appointment tomorrow morning which means that I have to stand on that scale and watch dreadfully for my doctor to move the little metal square over the weight lever until it balances. I know I`m a little overweight, definitely chubby, but I hope my doctor doesn`t spit the fact out on my face like last time because that was like sticking a sword made out of a carrot in my heart because that was like saying `Oh, I know you tried to combat your unhealthy lifestyle by trying to be healthier overall but guess what, you`re not good enough.`

I guess there`s nothing to do now other than continue down the metaphorical pathway towards my ideal, healthy self.

That`s it for today,
blog you later.


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