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Growing up wasn`t easy for me. For the first 17 years of my life, I was basically the joke of the school.
I grew up heavier than most girls and I hit puberty very late. I actually grew width-wise and when I turned 18, I went from 5`0 to 5`6.
In elementary school, anti-bullying never existed. It was always a hush-hush topic. My teachers utilized favoritism as they were also afraid of being bullied by the students.
When I went to school, kids would point at laugh at me, hit me, punch me, kick me off the monkey bars and pulled my scarf while kicking me off a hill. I`ve had my name graffiti-ed on the side of school calling me an "UGLY B***CH* and I lived right next to the school. My mum would ask what it meant and I would never tell her.
When I cried, they laughed hysterically. I remember once they would be gossiping about me in my face and I told them to stop, so they walked right behind me and gossiped louder, telling me I can`t say anything now since I couldn`t see them.
I sat eating lunch alone. I would receive handwritten notes from students mocking me. They would invite me to their house to play, but the very next day, they`ll spread rumors how I was crazy.
Even teachers would come up to me and tell me that I was causing too much disruption and commotion from other kids.
I moved schools and it got a lot better. But once my new friends met some of the other people from my old school, some of the bullying occurred again. It got so bad that when I was 14, I got double-eyelid surgery. I endured an hour of a surgeon cutting open my eyes because of my fear of being called ugly.
It didn`t get better. The first photo you see was taken from my high school year book, when I was 16. This was after my surgery and my face already looked 20x better than elementary school. I was called the Ugliest Girl in the school for 10 years straight. Guys used to tell me I ruin their life by liking them.
I can`t say I`ve had weak moments when I contemplated suicide. I cried every night from Grade 1 to Grade 11 and I was already exhausted from the physical, mental and cyber bullying. But then I realized, my death would mean their happiness, and by then, I had enough hatred pent up to never let them get the "last laugh".
So I worked hard. From being a C+ student to an A+, winning awards and scholarships. My mentality was, if I can`t get respect for looking good, I`ll earn my respect from earning lots of money, a lot more than them. Plus, with money, you can buy beauty through plastic surgery.
I started working, earning money and buying magazines on how to take care of myself, how to look good and how to feel good about myself.
The top right photo of me was when I was 18, without circle lens, without makeup, and before losing weight. I learned to take care of my skin, I got braces and I learned how a hair style can make or break your look.
Even now, some of my bullies still mock me. I met up with one of the readers of my blog in Hong Kong. He actually knew one of the students from my elementary school. His exact words were "She said you were so ugly before".
On the first day of my second internship, another one of those students came up to me, her mood turning from happy to angry, and asked in a very snide tone "Why are YOU here? How did you even make it here? EW".
Not to say it still doesn`t sting a little, but I realized, my bullies had nothing going for them. They were so caught up in their egotism that they let themselves go.
I mean, I just graduated from university, and 80% of my tormentors were already failing at life, excuse my language.
They grew ugly, they have wrinkles, they grew fat, they couldn`t get into university and even if they did, it wasn`t a good program and they won`t earn money with it.
I ended up from being left in a ditch by these people to earning more than them, being able to afford the luxuries I want, and looking a lot better than them. Granted, because of them, I`ve developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder and an Inferiority Complex, but at least I know, I will continue to improve while they go downhill from here.
I`ve learned not to bully others. Even when my friends mock other girls, I usually defend them because I`ve been there. That`s not to say I`m a nice person though. If I see a girl who believes they`re all that, flaunting it and putting others down, I will challenge her, to her face.
I can be very mean and vicious if I have to, especially if I`m being attacked by the same tormentors.
It takes awhile for things to change, I know that much. It took me 18 years to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. That doesn`t mean it doesn`t exist, you just have to be patient.
But as my dad said, the best revenge is your success.
The bottom right photo is a current photo of me.
*photo is mine, please don`t use*