Anorexia Survivor: No one defines your beauty lt3

4 years ago

Like many girls, about 98% of all american little girls, i grew up with Barbies. I loved them! who didnt? She was PERFECT
Sadly, the barbie figure became the outline of what every woman "should" look like. From modeling to celebrities, the skinny outline is searched for everywhere. While some girls are naturally thin and tall, there are many girls who do anything they can to try to reach the "normal" that society has set. And in many cases, this obsession with perfection leads many girls, and boys, into an eating disorder.
My whole life i was chubby, and it wasnt a problem until Middle School. the constant bullying and mocking for my size was a torment i dont wish on anyone. I struggled with my weight for 2 years in a severe obesse scale, but once i began high school i really took a drastic turn.
I became Bulimic and Anorexic. It took around a year to get to my bottom. But a year in the life of an Anorexic seems to be like an eternity in hell.
I never ate, i made myself purge, i was depressed, i cut myself, and i was ALWAYS in a bad mood. It completely consumed my life.
My pain was so much that i myself told my parents about the hell i was going through in order to seek help. No matter how thin i got, they didnt notice it. They noticed the drastic weight loss, but not the fact that i was killing myself right before their eyes.
Long story short- i was interned in the hospital and began an "outpatient" program. i followed my meal plan for the first week, but after my second visit i gained 1 pound. 1 POUND! and i felt like my life was over. So i began to cheat the system. this little game only lasted for a month though. If things were bad before, they were about to get worse!
One day i passed out and didnt wake up for 15 minutes. My heart had skipped a couple of beats and was very close to stopping completely. So i was interned in the hospital for 5 months. I lived in the hospital for 5 months, i became a "partial live-in" for 3 months, and an outpatient ( like in the beginning) for 8 more months.
I survived. but one of the girls i had been in the hospital with, didnt.
All the tears and all the pain. All of my parents` sleepless nights and the hundreds of thousands of dollars my parents had to pay. All of that because i had let the world define my beauty. I had defined who i was, on what i looked like. Everyone`s approval of me mattered more to me than my own happiness.
A year after my final hospital visit i still struggle with my self image and self-esteem. But i`ve learned that my beauty is not defined by my jeans size. Its defined by my smile, my care, and all the goodness i have in my heart.
Dont let magazines tell you how beautiful you are. Dont let anyone tell you you`re ugly, because its a lie.
You`re beautiful!!!You`re worth more than plastic surgerys or diet pills!
Always remember that when you look in the mirror <3
xo, Gaby <3

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